Hair today, goon tomorrow.

4 Dec

Success comes in the unlikeliest forms.

I have a love-hate relationship with my hair.  I love it when the stylist does it and I hate it when I can’t get it to do what the stylist did.

Obviously, the unsuccessful factor here is me.  She can do it.  I must be a  goon not to be able to manage my own hair.

It’s not like I haven’t tried.  Every time I get it done, I ask the stylist what she used, and she tells me.  Sooner or later, I follow up on those suggestions.  I’ve got curling irons, flat irons, touch-up irons, hair driers, ionic brushes, ceramic brushes, boar bristle brushes — even curlers!  And let’s not forget the gallons of goop in the form of mousses, root lifters,  sculpting gels, hair spray, and “finishing compound” which I swear belongs in the hardware store.

All to no avail.  I would never master the capricious art of coiffure.

I was success-less… until last week.

I’d gotten a cut and repeated my standard procedure.  Again, I was disappointed with my results the next day. (Note to self: remember Einstein’s definition of insanity.)

In desperation, I went to yet another stylist and finally asked the right question.  “Can you show me how to do something with this?  I don’t need a cut.  I just need some lessons on how to fix my hair.”

I give credit to my female-offspring escorts who managed to stifle themselves as the stylist looked at her oh-so-obviously ignorant client with a look that said, “You don’t deserve to have hair, you clueless old bat.”  That would be me, the clueless wonder.

She spritzed my hair, explained gently how to use a round brush, applied yet more product (which I bought, ignoring Einstein) and then said the magic words.  “Now… well, now you just play with it.”


You play with it?  There’s no magic here?  No arcane master technique known only to licensed cosmeticians and drag queens?  You dry it, curl it, put some goop in it to help hold it in place, and PLAY with it?

My girls nodded.  “Yeah, Mom, you just play with it.”

I was expecting greatness and untold secrets, the wisdom of The Way™ to do my hair.  I was not expecting to be told to simply play with it.

Of course, I didn’t believe it.  But, dang, if it didn’t work!

Funny how much easier it is to find success when you’re asking the right question.  I kept asking what she used, not how she used it.

I finally used the right glass.

PS: Hair today…


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