An old friend mentioned that he was reading Einstein’s biography which included many references to Einstein’s own work.  He remarked how easy it was to understand what Einstein had written.  Later scientists, expanding on the original subject, had muddied the waters, rendering a clear concept nearly  incomprehensible to the average joe on the street.

Interesting.

Earlier that same day,  my daughter had shared a famous quote with me:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

― Albert Einstein

Smart man, that Einstein.  If you judge your success by what you don’t have or what you can’t do, you will never be content.

Don’t muddy the waters.  See what is, not what isn’t.

Use the right glass.

We need expectation in our lives — that anticipation of something new, something better, something “more.”  It fuels our dreams, feeds our souls, and offers hope for the future.

But unreasonable expectations will crush us.

It’s getting to that time of year when we take a look at the past with an eye to the future — the would’a-could’a-should’a time.

Most of us say next year will be different.  And for most of us, it won’t.

Why?  Because our expectations exceed our ability to achieve those expectations.

We make wishes with no foundation, no basis of support.  We don’t have  reasonable expectations and a plan of action to accomplish those expectations.

Try something different this year.  Instead of making wishes, take a look at your glass.  What’s missing?  How can you fill it?  What can you do to  achieve just one realistic expectation?

Wouldn’t you like that win?

My expectation for you — and my gift to you —  is to ask you to read Max Erhmann’s Desiderata.  If you haven’t read it, read it now.  If you know it but it’s been a while, read it again.  It’s worth it.

Be gentle with yourself.  Be cheerful.  Strive to be happy.

“Dutch.  He said, since it’s a first date, he wanted to go dutch, and was I okay with that?

“I said yes, that sort of made sense, but something didn’t feel right.  He asks me to dinner, then says he doesn’t want to pay for it.  What’s that all about?  He can’t afford it?  I’m not worth a $20 investment?  If he couldn’t or didn’t want to spend the money, why suggest dinner at all?”

I watched her face as she mentally processed what she was saying.  She told me about other failed relationships, and how she wasn’t quite sure where things had gone wrong, but she was tired of it, and things had to change.

There were two themes that became more apparent as she talked.  She wanted a guy who would be honest with her and not put on any pretense, and she wanted someone willing to make an investment in a potential relationship.

“Is it wrong to want that?  Is that really too much to ask?”

She didn’t really want an answer, nor did she wait for one.  She paid her bill and left.  I’ll probably never see her again.

But something important happened in that conversation.

She clearly identified her glass.  She knew how large it had to be, what she wanted in it, and, just as important…

…what she didn’t want.

Dutch.

Yes, sky diving.  I kid you not.

Personally, I’m not  inclined to throw myself out of a fully-functioning airplane at 5,000 feet with only a tablecloth to break my fall.  But if I were, I’d want some reassurance  that I will not become a Rorschach test on asphalt.

The idea of half-price lessons — with the implied half-price instructor that goes with it — doesn’t exactly engender the kind of confidence I need when my life is on the line.

There is a lesson in here.  It could be something about not living a half-price life or a caution against having half-price confidence in yourself, or cheating yourself by using a half-price glass instead of the one you want.

But I’ve been living on half-price sleep lately, so I’ m going back to bed.

Do me a favor.  When you figure it out, tell me what is, okay?

Thanks….

PS: This just in…

Not to be outdone by their 50%-off sky diving brethren, I got a Groupon today for 51%-off trapeze lessons…

Do I hear 52?  Going once…

I have a love-hate relationship with my hair.  I love it when the stylist does it and I hate it when I can’t get it to do what the stylist did.

Obviously, the unsuccessful factor here is me.  She can do it.  I must be a  goon not to be able to manage my own hair.

It’s not like I haven’t tried.  Every time I get it done, I ask the stylist what she used, and she tells me.  Sooner or later, I follow up on those suggestions.  I’ve got curling irons, flat irons, touch-up irons, hair driers, ionic brushes, ceramic brushes, boar bristle brushes — even curlers!  And let’s not forget the gallons of goop in the form of mousses, root lifters,  sculpting gels, hair spray, and “finishing compound” which I swear belongs in the hardware store.

All to no avail.  I would never master the capricious art of coiffure.

I was success-less… until last week.

I’d gotten a cut and repeated my standard procedure.  Again, I was disappointed with my results the next day. (Note to self: remember Einstein’s definition of insanity.)

In desperation, I went to yet another stylist and finally asked the right question.  ”Can you show me how to do something with this?  I don’t need a cut.  I just need some lessons on how to fix my hair.”

I give credit to my female-offspring escorts who managed to stifle themselves as the stylist looked at her oh-so-obviously ignorant client with a look that said, “You don’t deserve to have hair, you clueless old bat.”  That would be me, the clueless wonder.

She spritzed my hair, explained gently how to use a round brush, applied yet more product (which I bought, ignoring Einstein) and then said the magic words.  ”Now… well, now you just play with it.”

What?

You play with it?  There’s no magic here?  No arcane master technique known only to licensed cosmeticians and drag queens?  You dry it, curl it, put some goop in it to help hold it in place, and PLAY with it?

My girls nodded.  ”Yeah, Mom, you just play with it.”

I was expecting greatness and untold secrets, the wisdom of The Way™ to do my hair.  I was not expecting to be told to simply play with it.

Of course, I didn’t believe it.  But, dang, if it didn’t work!

Funny how much easier it is to find success when you’re asking the right question.  I kept asking what she used, not how she used it.

I finally used the right glass.

PS: Hair today…

An epiphany is a Moment of Unusual Clarity – with apologies to The Princess Bride, which you simply must watch for some great, campy fun.  Yes, it was a book first, but how can you resist? “Youngster” Cary Elwes (“As you wiiiiiiish”) and swashbuckling Mandy Patinkin (“You seem a decent fellow.  I hate to kill you.”) lead a stellar cast including Robin Wright (“What about the R.O.U.S.es?”),  Wallace Shawn (“You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen!”),  Chris Sarandon (“I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder…”), Christopher Guest (“You’ve been chasing me your whole life only to fail now?…How marvelous.”), and Andres the Giant (“I didn’t mean to jog him so hard.”).  And let’s not forget Miracle Max and his wife (Billy Crystal and Carol Kane)…. or a young Fred Savage (“Is this a kissing book?”) and his cantankerous granddad Peter Falk (“Keep your shirt on and let me read.”).

Now, where was I?  Oh, yes, my M. O. U. C.

Well, the fact is, I’ve forgotten it.  Poof! Gone, just as quickly as it came.

And that’s okay.  It happened.  Like the other M.O.U.C.s in my life, if it happened once, it will happen again.  The next time, it will be stronger and more powerful, and I’ll be able to make at least part of it stick and put it to good use.

For now, I’ll wait until it comes to me again.  I’m content with that.

The whole album is great, but you must-must-must listen to Kevin Kline singing a delightful patter song called “Busy Busy Busy.”

Why?  Apart from being a hoot, the song shows how ridiculously obsessed we are with “doing.”

For example:

We’re busy busy busy and we’ve got a lot to do and we haven’t got a minute to explain it all to you for on Sunday Monday Tuesday there are people we must see and on Wednesday Thursday Friday we’re as busy as can be with our most important meetings and our most important calls and we have to do so many things and post them on the walls.

Now, seriously… is this you?  I know it’s been me for way too long.

Busy busy busy…

Too busy to “be”, too busy to be content with… well, with anything.

However, today I am content that I can share something with you that illustrates exactly what I’m talking about in a fun, provocative, and interesting way.

I’m getting better.

The all-time favorite that only came out on special occasions was the dribble glass.

A dribble glass looks pretty ordinary.  Visually, the only difference is that it has a decorative texture rather than a solid surface.  That texture hid the holes in the glass which made it impossible to drink from without having something dribble down your chin.

It was a great joke, and we all loved it, but think about it for a moment.

That glass would never be full.  It was impossible.  No matter how much you tried to fill it to the top, something would dribble out.  Even constant attention, relentlessly filling just a little more each time it dripped, would not fill that glass.  You just couldn’t do it.

Now take a look at your glass.  Are you constantly adding to it, and, no matter what you do, it’s still not full?

Are you dribbling away your energy, trying to fill a glass than can’t be filled?

Is it time to use a different glass?

Is it a delicate crystal wine glass that sparkles in candlelight?  A tough, rugged jelly jar that won’t break if it slips out of your hands?  Or a simple water glass?

Does it matter?

No, not really.

That said, there are some DOs and DON’Ts.

DO make sure your glass is clear.

You must be able to see through the glass to its contents.  There must be no illusion, no distortion.  If you can’t see clearly into the glass, you may never truly know how full it is.

DO make sure your glass is yours.

You must use your own glass.  It can be any size or shape you like, but you must choose it.   If you use someone else’s, that glass may never satisfy you.

DON’T leave your glass in the cupboard.

It may look pretty in there and it may appear to be safe, but admiring that glass from a distance isn’t very useful to you.   Take it out.

DON’T  limit yourself to only one glass.

You should have many, many glasses representing all the wonderful facets of your life – your needs, your dreams, your desires – each glass, a unique opportunity for  satisfaction and contentment.

Raise your glass!

In other words, they are passive.  Getting that glass just “happens,” and they rarely consider that it may not be the right one.

Let me give you an example.

A friend of mine owns two homes, each with a yard.  Each yard requires regular weekly and monthly attention in addition to the  seasonal sprucing up.  Proper maintenance is a personal investment of time, energy, and money.

And he hates yard work.

So why did he choose to take on all that responsibility for a project in which he has absolutely no interest or desire?

He didn’t.  His parents did.

His parents can – and do! – spend hours poring over seed and nursery catalogs.  They map out potential landscaping plans, tweaking until they are finally satisfied.  They are happy and content to devote full weekends to the sweat and toil required to design and built  their back yard garden oasis, complete with a Victorian gazing ball and benches for contemplation.

While he appreciates the final product, my friend has absolutely no interest in the process.  After decades of losing miserably to a plot of grass, he is now considering that maybe he’s using the wrong glass.  His parents are personally satisfied and content working in the yard, but he is not.

Is that wrong?  No!

What is wrong?  Continuing to try to find satisfaction and contentment when the likelihood of filling that glass is pretty slim – that’s wrong.

He needs a different glass, something that suits both his backyard needs and his personal interests.

He needs to find his own glass.

Don’t be passive with your personal satisfaction and contentment.

Choose your glass.